Ana Kasaparian of the online news show The Young Turks is very correct. Do you realize that people go broke because of their insecurities? Let's look at what people do because they are insecure.
Insecure people do things like:
- Spend thousands of dollars in plastic surgery
- Spend money they don't have on leasing luxury cars, brand-name clothing and other items that they think will impress people
- Lose relationships they want
- Work jobs that they hate;
- Have people around them that they find negative and depressing
- Fall into relationships with people they don't like
- Creating embarrassing videos on YouTube
- . . . the list can go on and on.
What is insecurity?
"It is a defense mechanism that seeks to protect poorly formed or barely nourished sense of self from being entirely obliterated by the domination of others in a position of power." ~ Article: How to Recognize Insecurities
It's important that you know what insecurity actually is so you are not so hard on yourself or others. It's also important that you know that developing insecurity is a survival mechanism. Actually, during traumatic situations developing "insecurity" is a positive thing, doing this has helped many people survive:
1. chaotic, violent or distressing childhoods;
2. living in fear of someone;
3.very rigid expectations during formative years;
4. never being free to express feelings or even acknowledge true feelings.
. . . So don't be critical of people with insecurities, at the time they developed said insecurities it was needed.
Recognizing insecure people:
You will recognize insecure people because they are quick to pass judgment on themselves and others. They tend to condemn other people's decisions/choices. They do this quickly, almost instantaneously, impulsively -- they can't help it. What they don't realize is that putting others down may feel like it raises them up for the moment . . . but ultimately, it doesn't. Every time they knock someone down or criticize someone, they have no idea that they are criticizing a personal quality that they actually possess and ultimately they are criticizing themselves. So in fact, they are victimizing and abusing themselves.
Here is the key to dealing with your insecurity.
Insecurity steams from fear of abusively critical situations. Insecurity is you braising for past critical situations happening in your present. In essence, you have a great fear of what happened to you in the past will happen again today.
To effectively deal with this, you must understand that you may not entirely destroy or overcome your fears. Yes, your particular fears and insecurities will keep popping up at inopportune times. The point is to continue in the direction you want to go, anyway. Remember the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz? Throughout the whole journey, he was frightened, crying, running away -- but what ultimately proved his courage was he stayed on the journey - no matter how frightened he may have been. You have to confront your fears to realize that you can beat your fears. Success will fuel further success, you have to be willing to feel the fear to experience the courage.
But the real key to dealing with insecurity: don't focus on the term "insecurity," instead focus on developing self-confidence.
What is self-confidence?
What is going on when I am living within my self-confidence? What do self-confident people look like?
Well, here are a few key clues that someone is self-confident:
- They freely praise and encourage people around them to achieve their goals and better themselves.
- They willing to stand up for themselves, even in frightening situations/or against powerful people.
- They do what they believe is good for them, even if others mock or criticize them.
- They are willing and open to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve bigger and better goals.
- They admit their errors (out loud) and learn from them and can even laugh at their mistakes.
- They accept compliments graciously.
- They are sure that if they learn and work hard in a particular area, there will be some form of success.
- They can admit your feelings and don't care what others think -- they own their stuff.
In essence, they appreciate themselves for who they are and have stopped comparing themselves to others.
How Can YOU Build Self-confidence:
- List all the things you've achieved and all the things you do well
- List your strengths (if you have problems with this, let your friends help you)
- List what is important to you and where you want to go in life (your dreams)
- Smash negative self-talk and criticism
- Do something you love doing, create something and make note of your success in doing it
- Talk to a professional about all the above
Resources to Help You Gain Self-Confidence:
6 Tips to Improve Your Self-Esteem
How To Have Self Confidence - Tony Robbins (video)
Remember people, I'm counting on you to develop the skills that make you healthy, wealthy and wise. Because as you know, I've always wanted powerful and influential friends.
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