Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Staying Married is the Way to Riches

This post is for all those lovely couples who are contemplating marriage.

This is the season for such things. Rings are given during Christmas or Valentines Day and then the wedding is planned for May or June (sometimes July). That's real cute, but take some advice from an old married person who has been in a relationship for a very, very, very long time. Who has been married for a while too (over a decade or two).

If you marry and wish to become rich . . . Divorce, Separation, whatever . . is not an option. So if you are marrying, make sure you marry for life.

As I often say to my husband . . . "know this now, if it doesn't work out (our marriage) you are just going to have to live the rest of your life and die, hating me, 'cause there will be no divorce. We'll be 90-year-old-grumps throwing our false teeth at each other while we rock on the porch, but got-damn it, we will STILL be married."

I'm not giving my riches up for ANYONE. And divorce/separation is the fasted way to lose all you have worked hard for. You can recover from BANKRUPTCY faster than a divorce. Unfortunately for my poor husband, because I know this is true . . . he's stuck. (You have my permission to feel sorry for him.)

Okay, so how do you make sure you have a long-lasting marriage so you can stay rich? 'Cause everyone tells you to "stay married" but, frankly, no one tells you how to do that.

As I look back at what made my marriage work -- the only thing I can pinpoint that was different from my divorced (and poor) friends were . . . my husband and I discussed every - I MEAN EVERY - topic you can think of before we really committed.

Not that we agreed on much of them. We didn't.

But we knew where each other stood on . . .
1. In-laws and having in-laws stay with us for an extended time (more than 2 weeks).
2. What we thought of each others mother (honestly)
3. Kids - what to do with them,what we expect from them, and how to get what we expected.
4. Sex - how much, how often and what positions (that one was fun)
5. Hygiene
6. Cleanliness of the house
7. Who cooks and why
8. Money -- this one was long and varied and got us in a lot of arguments (better BEFORE than AFTER the wedding).
9. If we won the lottery what would we do?
10. If one of use died what would we do?
11. If one of us cheated on one another what would we do?
12. If we were on a sinking ship and there was room for the kid or the spouse -- which one would we pick and why?
13. If either of us was raped or violently assaulted, how would we feel, how would we handle it?
14. If either of us lost a job or experienced bankruptcy, what would we feel . . . what would we do?
15. What is the one deal-breaker for you in marriage (meaning, if it happened it means instant divorce).

These were the top 15 questions, but really the questions were nearly endless. But before we discussed them in depth, we made sure to point out to each other that it was okay not to agree. We understood that many of these questions were tough to answer and the discussion was solely to gain insight on really who you are connecting with. It also lets you know (or anticipate) what to expect when life gives you those dirty little "gotchas." Those unexpected turns in the road.

Because really, that's all divorce is a symbol of . . . there was an unexpected turn in the road and one person went one way and the other went another -- 'cause they have two different pages of the roadmap. Ask some questions before the trip. Make sure you are on the same page and keep all your riches (especially the ones that can't be counted).

1 comment:

  1. Great post. I just married my wife in Oct and we hit some but not all of these items. I think we should rerun through this list some point soon ;-)


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